Navigating Your Child's Big Emotions? Start Here.

As pediatric therapists that work very closely with parents, we get this question pretty often, along with, "How do I respond to my child during a tantrum?" "I've tried to discipline them, but it's not working," and "My partner and I don't agree on how to handle this."

If you've thought these things, you are not alone. Kids can have really big emotions, and it can be challenging to navigate a world with so many online and "professional" opinions on the matter. Gentle parenting, positive parenting, permissive parenting, authoritarian parenting- there's so many terms out there. To add to the confusion for parents today, we were raised very differently in the 80s and 90s, and it's hard not to revert back to that when we're at a loss.

Reading books about emotions can be helpful for your child

What we know from the lens of child development is that toddlers are not neurologically able to regulate their emotions. They are unable to calm down by themselves, problem solve in the moment, or respond reasonably when upset. Why? Because their little brains are so dominated by emotion. They live in the here and now, they don't understand time, and they certainly don't understand logic.

Often times, the reason get so frustrated by our child's huge emotional reactions is because of our own expectations. We tend to think that they should be able to behave a certain way. But what we're here to tell you is that they cannot behave reasonably. Their brains are not fully developed. They need your help as their parent to learn and figure it out.

The biggest way you can help your toddler navigate their big emotions- model it as their parent.

When you get frustrated? Say it out loud in front of your child, and model yourself taking deep breaths. When you get angry? Tell your child what you're feeling, and show them how you're going to take a break in the other room.

Then, when they have big emotions, be there with them to model what they can do. Model a calm presence that they can feel secure in. Model deep breathing, and comfort them if they cry. Your modeling is literally teaching their body what to do in these moments. If you elevate or escalate- your child will match that and escalate themselves. But if you model the calm, you are providing the guiding presence their body needs to learn.

Check out our Instagram for our favorite books about feelings

It's certainly hard to do, and it takes you being able to control your own body and your own regulation as a parent in those moments. But it's what your child needs- to learn how to handle their big emotions from their parent.

If you find it difficult to regulate yourself as a parent in order to show up as a calming presence for your kids, or if you feel like you've tried everything and your child is still struggling, reach out to us. We have many resources that can help.

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