The holidays as a mom, wife, daughter and business owner can be verrrrrry chaotic. The mental load we hold, planning the menus, collecting the gifts, taking everyone into consideration - it’s A LOT. BUT. I LOOOOOVE the holiday season. The lights, the decorations, the music, the events, all of it. Over the years, I’ve realized the buildup to Christmas is truly my favorite part. We are not a religious family, so it’s more the culture around the holiday that I love so much. My dad, who passed away three Decembers ago, also loved the holiday season. It was something we always found joy in together and now is a way for me to feel his presence.
Despite my love for the holiday season, year after year when Christmas Day rolls around, I have found myself feeling a little frustrated, disappointed and not always the best version of myself. Our holiday tradition is to spend Christmas Eve with my extended family (uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) and then Christmas morning through Christmas evening with my immediate family (my husband and kids, mom, dad and brother). After having kids, it became easier for my husband and I to host Christmas Day activities at our house so that babies could nap when they needed to, toys were available to play with, and ultimately my husband is the incredible cook of the family. It just made sense for us to host! Over time, after the initial rush of opening presents, it just started to feel like a heavy load without a lot of return in joy. It felt like a lot of hosting, cleaning, cooking, serving and trying to make other people happy, and ultimately, I felt really unappreciated. This would bring out a side of me that I really hated, as I became snappy and just not who I wanted to be on this very special day.
Last year, I decided that a change needed to happen. As I thought about it, I heard my old therapist in my ear, saying, “what would make YOU happy”. A concept that we as mothers really struggle to consider without feeling guilty or selfish. I thought, if I prioritize a bit of my own happiness instead of depending on others, I will BE happier, I will find the joy I love in the holiday season AND I will have more capacity for those around me. I decided that the current situation was not working, and I knew the people in the situation were not going to change, so I decided to change the situation. I decided to include a few close friends for Christmas evening dinner. Forget about what Christmas evening “should” look like, what do I want it to feel like? Eating a delicious meal with people we love, finding a shared joy in each other, kids running around laughing and connection. And you know what? I went to bed happy - with a full heart & belly. Focusing on what only I can control.
Do I still have ruminations of guilt when making decisions that prioritize my happiness and protect my peace? ABSOLUTELY. Is it still a very active choice I have to make? YES. But, am I worth it? 100%.
So parents, this one is for you. I urge you to prioritize a little bit of your happiness to protect your peace this holiday season. You are worth it!
Struggling to find the joy in parenting this holiday season? Feeling overwhelmed, and just need someone to help you get back on track? We would love to support you.
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